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Darling I think I’m dying
I mean I know why but it feels like flying
When in all reality it’s probably falling
But honestly I swear there this morning
Felt like in the first day years
I didn’t love you and I’m sorry
But I haven’t been this happy for as long as I can remember
It’s been three or seven years
But it feels like forever
And on days like this
I could fly to the moon
Run and scream and do all of the impossible things like not love you anymore
Instead I sit in my room
Writing poems that need four years of back story makes sense to anyone but me
And darling you told me you heard someone say don’t leave a relationship with a poet
but until you left I wasn’t one
but now finally we’ve both moved on
and maybe skylines aren’t silhouettes against the great blue anymore
But the metal tires and taillights are the stars on the horizon we ran to
I’m only even good at the destruction of things
You know that anyway
And you share this fear of breaking things have been broken too many times already
But broken things are always sharper
And these scars must have been built back stronger because when we bleed across the sunset
The sky falls down and we
Fall back together

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CoCA – Peter Robinson – Fieldwork Writing Workshop 2nd

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What of you gets lost
In the process of creating nowhere?
Finding in the precious emptiness a way of being
Almost and imperfectly alive
Perceive the shadows as playmates for once
Exploding the delicate boundaries of what should be concrete
Finding freedom in the abandonment of being thrown away

CoCA – Peter Robinson – Fieldwork Writing Workshops

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The tributes I make are of course always for someone else
Of course made through ‘i cannot hold this feeling in my hands so I will make you something instead’
Making our Almost tactile making your Maybe tactile making this mistake tactile
I think of boundaries always overstepped the pressure of doing so bending spines and cracking teeth of when gravity is always heavier when you get up in the sometimes mornings but mostly afternoons
I hope you always realise things before it’s all too late I hope you don’t make any more mistakes that leave you hollowed and wanting I hope you understand that when I tell you I’m not afraid of lighters anymore that I don’t actually mean afraid and I don’t actually mean lighters
It’s about time that we stop being so impossible
I want to hear your stories in your voice not the one in my head I miss your inflections and intonation when you sing I want to cry I am all too empty for this kind of lonely so all the tributes I make are of course for someone else

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the wrong place at the wrong time means you call the paramedics when i blink for too long
but she’s doing something that i could never do
like talking about policies and replacements and not babies
forget about the babies
my dog would be the apple of my eye but i don’t have one
don’t worry though paint her enough times and it will go just how we rehearsed
being just as stressed as we predicted
soldier on regardless we still have six weeks left till i can stop seeing her face from the bus window
could shakespeare have written this much drama?
does it matter is she puts the old men to shame?

A love poem as Travelling

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your kind of love is going
is this place and that place and is this really the place for love at all
three weeks and too many bus trips
the trust and security don’t usually happen so fast these days
the journey of your warmth to my heart means i stay warm for three more days
it was all lost from the day we met
your baggage is self inflicted and mine is five years heavy but I’m learning to learning to leave it at home on the weekends
I have not seen so much of this city
i have not seen the end of this road
i do not remember being homesick

Homesick

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Every poem I write is the same but with different words and I found a single word to replace all of them and now writing anything else is totally pointless
Homesick
I am always homesick
Things may not be perfect there but it’s worse when I’m anywhere else
This broken home
These shaky foundations
A place to close the rest of the world out
I grew up here and I’d hate to see you tear yourself to the ground
My home has never really been four walls and a number on a letter box it was holding hands and text messages biting lips and yawning the next day because we stayed up late again
But now I’m never home for more than a few days in a month
But I don’t know how to cope when things are going well
So I knew if I had doubts about whatever was going right between us you would take the next step and kick me out maybe I was just looking for you to show a little faith in all of this
Maybe stop the walls from caving in
Maybe give me a reason to write a happy poem for once in my life
See this is what self-sabotage looks like
and I’m wanting to give up writing poems for the same reasons you’re trying to stop dating
I need to learn how to be ok with being on my own
To live away from home
Change the wallpaper burn all of the furniture you bones are the same and when I am there I feel balanced and I am sick of this home metaphor
And I don’t want to freak you out
But I am always homesick

Don’t Bother

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Don’t bother
You don’t want to know
Don’t ask me what my problem is
You don’t want to hear it
I am not saying that because you’re my problem
You’re not mine to concern myself with
But If we were either to have a conversation where I didn’t joke about or disregard my feelings to make you feel better
Okay that would never happen
Why would we talk about my problems
NO I don’t have problems
Why would there be anything wrong with me
You’re the one who’s been diagnosed all I’m even going to be
Is weird And emotional And bitchy And needy And I’m sorry
I’m getting emotional again
That’s what you want to write?
That girl you got back with The one use it treated you like shit
She said she was going to show her emotions more And that could only be a good thing
So how’s it going? How is your 11th girlfriend doing?
Have you found the way to win a woman that’s not her to keep her
And I say woman But for you
No
You boy you child You need to grow up, grow out into the world
But most of all grow in
Fix the holes inside yourself that no one else can fill
I would know
I tried
I swore I loved him Swore I did Swore I didn’t
Swore I did Swore I didn’t Swore I did swore I didn’t Could have sworn I never used to swear this much
But fuck him
His name Became synonym For profanity And now my best friend’s boyfriend Uses it to insult me
When he talks about him Looks at me like he’s turning it into a personal insult
I never asked for any of this I’m not that desperate
I just don’t trust anyone else to hold your broken pieces just right And my arms as scarred from trying to for so long
And back then We fell in love so lovely
But life is turned the volume down
Said teenagers aren’t supposed to feel this kind of noise
So we got quiet
And now the closest I can get to falling in love
Is whispering ‘I miss you’ At three In the morning When you’re thinking about someone else And I just want to think Next To you
But you don’t want to hear it
You don’t want to know
You don’t bother asking me What my problem is
And I don’t bother telling You